Haunting Nightmares

All day feeling on edge not knowing why. Hands constantly shaking as if hopped up on caffeine. Heart beating loudly as if asking to be heard. Mind racing to figure out “what’s happening?”. At night, the answer finally comes. A flashback. Something not thought of since high school and couldn’t recall after waking. Sleepless nightContinue reading “Haunting Nightmares”

Failure… Life failed me, I failed me

Last night I cried myself to sleep wishing I was back with my ex. That despite all the abuse, I would at least feel wanted. All I have ever wanted, all anyone with a soul wants…is to be loved for who they are. They want to hear “I love you” daily, be held and huggedContinue reading “Failure… Life failed me, I failed me”

Am I going insane or is this really happening?

Emotional abuse usually takes place in private, meaning there are no witnesses validating your experience. After months or years of being emotionally abused, you begin to distrust your perceptions and even your sanity. Since you have invested your time and your heart in the relationship and your world revolves around him / her, you endContinue reading “Am I going insane or is this really happening?”

Is behavior of a narcissist under his/her control?

Consider this: They turn ON their charm for outsiders They can adjust their behavior instantly They ‘perform’ for their fans / audience When the audience leaves, OFF comes the mask. “Narcissists are keen observers of their potential prey. They seize upon the insecure, unsure & chronically pessimistic. It’s incumbent on the recovering SLD (Self-Love Deficient)Continue reading “Is behavior of a narcissist under his/her control?”

People just don’t understand… no one gets [me]

People with anxiety don’t have a train of thought. They have seven trains on four tracks that narrowly avoid each other when paths cross, and all the conductors are screaming. Every day is a challenge because you’re battling with yourself to go out and be social. You talk yourself into going to Happy Hour orContinue reading “People just don’t understand… no one gets [me]”

You’re trying your hardest, but it doesn’t seem to be working

Ever since your ex said “we need to talk,” you have been trying to process, grasp and grieve. No matter what you try, you seem to end up back at the beginning. Taking one step forward only to put you two steps back when making progress. You’re trying your hardest, all the time, to pushContinue reading “You’re trying your hardest, but it doesn’t seem to be working”

You were in charge of your family finances, or so your ex had you believe

My story: When my ex-husband and I got engaged he suggested we start a joint account to save for the wedding. While I didn’t 100% agree with him and countered with opening up a separate individual savings account to do the same thing, we ended up opening the joint account. Little did I know, thisContinue reading “You were in charge of your family finances, or so your ex had you believe”

DID YOU IGNORE THE RED FLAGS? YOU’RE NOT ALONE

My story: I have been going back and forth on whether or not to launch this blog. Not because I don’t want to share my story, but because I am terrified of being judged for what I’ve been through and even more terrified my abusers will find me. For 18 years I hid behind aContinue reading “DID YOU IGNORE THE RED FLAGS? YOU’RE NOT ALONE”